Physics and fantasy
by Mark Shepherd
Summary: A quick attempt at ACE Combat humor...


**A/N: I'm taking a break from writing my DPRK story, but in the meanwhile, I thought this up while playing a Flight simulator as my mind flashed to ACE combat. This was wrote only for fun, but still, R/R!**

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**Polish fire rescue department**

**Somewhere in Poland- 1709 hours.**

Two Polish Mi-2 helicopter pilots were just sitting outside of the helipad before a loudspeaker broke the silence for them.

"A fire has broke out at a forest nearby, get over there and extinguish it!"

"Eh, looks like they must have trouble putting the flames down these days," the co-pilot said to the pilot as they both got into the miniature helicopter with a water tank installed. The small crew assembled at the helipad did a quick check of the helicopter before giving them clearance for takeoff.

The crew gave them the signal that they were cleared for takeoff and to begin a slow ascent. However, this helicopter pulled up into the air at a climb rate of almost 7000 feet per second before accelerating to 296 kilometres per hour almost instantaneously, resulting in the crew members being blown back from their posts at least several meters back while kicking dust everywhere.

One of the crew picked himself up and cursed, "What the fuck was that?!"

Flying further away from the helipad, the helicopter flew at such a low altitude that its blades managed to trim a clear cut through a nearby wheat field, and almost hitting a crop-duster in the following manuver. The Mi-2 then continued to fly through the evening sky, doing a perfect barrel roll and even flying upside down for a moment. Once it has arrived at a lake, it dipped low to scoop up some water into the tank to extinguish the forest fire. However, it kept on scooping up more and more water, almost lowering the water level by 2.9 meters.

After a through and full fill, the overloaded chopper then proceeded to tear off towards the fire at its usual high speed, dumping its watery load all over the hot flames and extinguishing it. However, it kept on dumping its remaining load as it flew, effectively flooding a farmer's field and a small town as it flew back to the helipad.

**Finnish-Russian border**

**Somewhere in Finland- 1718 hours.**

A Finnish air controller was not paying attention at the aircraft that he was controlling. Subsequently, a four-ship of Finnish F/A-18C Hornets on an exercise has accidentally strayed into the Russian border, all while carrying a load of Sidewinders, AMRAMMs, Maverick AGMs and a centerline drop tank.

At the immediate moment, Russian air command has warned the intruders that they were in Russian airspace and threatened them to "Turn back or be destroyed." Once they got no response, two PAK-FAs were scrambled to bring down the intruders.

Once the PAK-FAs got visual of the aircraft and saw that they were F/A-18 Hornets, the lead pilot got behind one of the Hornets and switched to his gun, expecting an easy kill. However, just when he was about to fire his cannon, his prey somehow managed to do a kulbit but yet still managed to maintain his energy. Quickly sensing this, the PAK-FA pilot attempted to break away, but it was too late. All four Hornets managed to lock on to his plane and each fired a salvo of four AIM-120 AMRAMMs, blowing the aircraft to pieces and vaporizing the pilot.

Quickly sensing the danger, the remaining PAK-FA pilot turned back to his airbase to request for help, but the Hornets followed without warning. All of the Hornets attempted to fire on their target, but all received less-than positive results: Their first salvo of AIM-9 Sidewinders completely destroyed the mess hall and the control tower at the airbase, while their second and third salvos swiss-cheesed the parked MiG-29s and almost turned over the runway like a farmer's field. In a last ditch salvo, they managed to destroy their target, but blew up the jet-fuel storage as well, burning up the entire airbase (or what remained of it.)

The strangest effect of the following explosion was that the flight was blown to Moscow where they experienced a nightmare of Andrei Markov killing them while on a chute. Determined to stop this from happening, they used their maverick missiles and slaughtered every aircraft and airbase in Moscow like farm animals, along with Markov himself.

A few days later, UN troops came over to Russia and Poland in order to investigate the following incident and has came only to one conclusion:

ACE combat has become reality.


End file.
